Can a Child Choose a Parent in a Virginia Custody Case?

Read the preference factor in context

Virginia Code § 20-124.3 includes the child’s reasonable preference where the court considers the child to have the relevant intelligence, understanding, age and experience. The provision does not name an automatic age at which the child’s preference controls the outcome.

It is one part of the best-interests assessment, not a replacement for the other factors. Avoid treating a preference as a vote that outweighs every question about care, relationships and the child’s needs.

Distinguish listening from asking a child to decide

A child can express a concern about school, travel or a routine without being asked to choose between parents. Preserve the context of a concern rather than turning it into a slogan such as “the child chose me.” Do not pressure a child to write a statement or rehearse an answer based on this guide.

For example, a wish to keep a particular activity may be different from a settled preference about the whole living arrangement. Explain the practical issue to counsel without assuming what legal weight it deserves.

Ask how the court handles the issue

If a child’s views are relevant, ask a qualified lawyer how they may appropriately be considered in that case. The method of presenting information and whether the child participates are procedural questions requiring care. Do not assume bringing the child to a hearing or sending a letter to the judge is the correct approach.

Keep the current order and relevant court directions available. Distinguish what a child actually said, when and in what context from an adult’s interpretation. Protect the child’s privacy rather than posting statements or recordings online.

Keep the present order and the child’s welfare in view

A child’s changed preference does not itself replace an existing custody order. Seek advice about the proper process if arrangements need review, especially where there are safety concerns or a disagreement about the order.

This guide addresses one commonly misunderstood factor. It does not interview children, recommend a custody arrangement or determine whether a preference is reasonable or should change an order.

Read the legal sources

Checked for this guide on October 20, 2026. Read the current source and case-specific instructions before acting.

• Virginia Code § 20-124.3 — best interests

Related guides

• Virginia Spousal Support: Reservation vs an Award
• Marital and Separate Debt in a Virginia Divorce
• Pendente Lite Support in Virginia: Temporary Orders Explained

For the wider picture, read the Virginia child custody overview.

Browse all practical Virginia family-law guides. For broader context, explore our family-law topics or legal-aid and referral resources.